Sometimes

Sometimes

I like to close my eyes

And dream before falling asleep

Of what it would be like

To be happy again

Sometimes

I like to write stories

Acting like I’m someone
Who I’m not

Just to feel the rush of being loved.

Sometimes

I like to cry

Alone or silently in front of others

To drain out all the energy from my bones

Leaving me tired yet restless, and woeful.

Sometimes

I like to smile

To show others how easy it is to be happy

Though a simple facade

It always works

Sometimes

I like to motivate others

To be everything I’m not

Whether at school or before a competition

I give others the words I need.

Sometimes

I like to crawl up into a ball

And close my eyes

Dreaming before falling asleep

Of a better life.

Author’s Note:

Sometimes, was a poem that I wrote when I first realized that I have this problem of wanting to be someone I’m not. It took me years to finally confront myself; but that was the first and hardest step of becoming a happy person once again. Looking back, during this time I experienced what felt like mild depression; where I would have constant mood swings, trouble waking up in the mornings and a lot of days where I just wanted to say in bed and cry. Writing this poem really helped me understand myself- and although this sounds odd, it really did help. 

For years I could only sleep if I was thinking about the future. If I was thinking about a better life and being in a better place. I thought that this was just me being me; that is, I loved to dream of the future. But, it soon became a cycle where I’d have trouble sleeping at night if I wasn’t imagining myself as happy when I was older. It was somewhat bizarre and frightening. I realized that I had a dependency on these thoughts because I myself was not happy.

Advice of the Day:

Live in the moment. Live in the present. Don’t dwell on the past or get lost in your thoughts about the future. Worry about right now. Don’t compensate your happiness for the thought of having happiness.